


Those Great Parabatai

by sapphicalexandra



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Background Relationships, Blood and Injury, Fuck Or Die, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Post 3a, Survival Training, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-05 13:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicalexandra/pseuds/sapphicalexandra
Summary: After an unprecedented display of power that manages to kill Jonathan Morgenstern, Jace and Alec are arrested under the accuse of committing the crime of Eros.





	Those Great Parabatai

**Author's Note:**

> Since I don't have enough on my plate *sarcasm* have another fic! Also a WIP, but I just couldn't resist not posting what I have so far. Canon up to 3a, events are set after it, but will kindly ignore most of what will be happening in 3b. Some things will also be loosely based on the new parabatai lore by CC in her new books. I apologize in advance for the feels.  
> Enjoy!

No one was moving, stunned into inaction by what they had just witnessed. The golden hue of the blast had faded away, leaving behind only the remnants of who had once been Jonathan Morgenstern _._ The demonic-blooded Shadowhunter who had brought the Shadow World to its knees during what would go in history as the Dark War...was finally gone. His ashes laid on the ground; his demon blood had simply not been able to withstand such Heavenly power. Hardly anyone could.

However, the joy and the relief blossoming in the hearts of the bystanders could not distract them enough to forget  _where_  that power had come from.

Their two new heroes had fallen to their knees, staring down at the ashes along with everybody else. They were nonetheless than Alec Lightwood and Jace Herondale.

As soon as the shock subsided, they were arrested. 

* * *

“Stand up.”

The guards had appeared very suddenly, and Jace had to scramble to get on his feet. Two whole days with not a single visit beside that of the Silent Brothers who brought him food, and now this?

Well, at least the wait was over, and he could go meet his fate.

“Turn around.”

Jace did so quietly, only the clenching of his jaw revealing what he really thought of that treatment. He wouldn’t dare protest, though. He needed to be on his best behavior if he…if  _they_  were to get through this.

After his wrists had been shackled together, he was led outside. Him and his entourage walked through the maze that was the City of Bones with the clanking of chains as the only background sound. That, and the staccato beat of Jace’s own heart.

A heart that skipped more than once as he took in the room of their destination, and the people that were in it. He’d expected a trial, he’d awaited the Soul Sword, but the  _entire_  higher command of the Clave? Both the Consul  _and_  the Inquisitor?

He almost wished he was back in his mind prison. Almost.

At least that experience had plagued only him, though. It hadn’t concerned someone else, too…

Alec, just as heavily guarded, was led into the room shortly after Jace. His clothes were all crumpled, his hair ruffled and damp from sweat; the kind of appearance he would’ve never allowed himself to have in front of their superiors. He stood straight anyway, looking at their hosts directly, his head held high, as if  _daring_  them to break him. It made Jace proud to be his parabatai, as if he could never not be. When Alec’s eyes met his, though, they couldn’t hide from each other the real torment they felt. And the fear.  

It was all Jace’s fault.

“On your knees.”

Jace and Alec were prompted none-too gracefully by their guards to follow the order. The floor of the City of Bones was as hard and cold as Jace remembered.

Consul Penhallow stood in front of them. Clary’s recount of her own trial echoed in Jace’s mind, bearing no good prospects. None at all.

“Very well, here we all are. The moment of truth,” the Consul spoke clearly and loudly for the whole room to hear. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Jonathan Christopher Herondale. You stand hereby accused of one of the most heinous of crimes a Shadowhunter can commit. The crime of  _Eros_ ,” she basically spit out the last word.

“We–!”

“It’s not…!”

Their protests fell on deaf ears.

“QUIET! You will only speak when told to. Mr. Lightwood, come up to the stand and place your hands on the Soul Sword,” she ordered, leaving no room for any complaint.

Alec’s confidence was considerably dimmer as he made his way under the witnesses’ watchful eyes, followed by their whispers. Jace could only guess what they said, the cruel judgment they were passing on Alec, when he was the last person deserving of that.

“Mr. Lightwood, you and your parabatai,” the Consul started the interrogation, “have recently displayed a power not meant for Shadowhunters to possess. Do you  _admit_  that it’s the result of you breaking one of our most ancient Laws, which rules against the perversion of the parabatai bond?”

“ _No_ ,” Alec’s answer was nothing more than a breathy exhale, but it resounded clearly. “We haven’t committed  _any_  crime.”

Consul Penhallow’s eyebrows rose up so high on her forehead that they almost met her hairline. The Soul Sword had in fact not done anything to negate the truthfulness of that statement. Jace could’ve almost cried from relief, as a cacophony of voices, expressing something between shock and skepticism, spread throughout the room.

“Are you  _saying_ , Mr. Lightwood, that you and your parabatai don’t have an…illicit relationship?” she reformulated the question in a more explicit manner, most certainly to disavow any ambiguity.

“Yes,” Alec’s voice was now a little louder, “I  _am_  saying that Jace and I have no illicit relationship. We are  _parabatai_ , nothing more, nothing less. I –  _we_  are well aware of the sacredness of our bond, and we would never do anything to compromise it.”

The commotion had grown into a full-blown chaos by then. Jia Penhallow kept looking between Alec and Jace, the wheels in her mind clearly spinning frantically behind her widened eyes. “SILENCE! Then how do you explain the power that you both displayed in defeating Jonathan Morgenstern?”

That was when Alec paused. “I – I don’t  _know_. We had never done something like that before. It could just be, since Jace  _has_  pure angel blood…that it affected our bond, somehow? That’s the only explanation I can give myself.”

Jia Penhallow’s mouth had been reduced to a thin line. The Soul Sword was still quiet and complacent, and it was driving everyone, her included, positively mad.

Jace tried as well as he could to avoid for any emotion to appear on his face, for better or for worse.  

Indeed, it was all true. Jace had spent the last few days trying to wrap his mind around what had happened and  _how_. It had been a desperate moment. Nothing they ever tried had seemed to even put a  _dent_  in Jonathan, and Jace had wanted nothing more than to end once and for all the man, the  _monster_  who had caused so much despair, whose resurrection had come at the cost of Jace losing himself to the Queen of Edom, who had made him commit crimes he still had horrifying nightmares about…

As he had thought all that, war roaring all around and Jonathan’s smirking face blaring in front of him, his hands had lit up gold. He hadn’t given it much thought at first, since his extra angel blood  _did_  provide him with a few perks, but when  _Alec’s_  hands had done the same, he had completely lost any understanding of the situation. Jace hadn’t cared, though, not in that moment. He had acted on pure instinct; something inside of him had been telling him to grab Alec’s hand and he had done just that. Together, united more than they’d ever been in all the years they’d been parabatai, they had blasted Jonathan into oblivion.

Only when they’d ended up being arrested not long after that, did Jace become aware of how that had looked to everyone else. He himself would’ve come to that same conclusion, if he’d been looking from the outside in.

Yet, everyone had been wrong. No crime had been committed. Him and Alec  _were_  just parabatai, like Alec had said. 

But they were also kind of right, and Alec had no idea. He had no idea of the shift that had happened in Jace, because Jace hadn’t told him. And now they were both facing the consequences of that choice.

_Please, please, let them believe Alec, so that they don’t interrogate me._

The Consul had fallen deep into conversation with the Inquisitor. They both looked stressed out by the unpredictable turn things had taken.

Until, finally, the Consul nodded, a new resolution setting on her face.

She went to face Alec again. “You seem indeed to be telling the truth, but we  _don’t_  have the whole picture yet, do we?” She paused, her gaze trying to pierce right through Alec’s poker face, without success. She was still not deterred. “Maybe you have indeed not…consummated your relationship. Maybe it wasn’t needed. That is why I ask you now, Mr. Lightwood: do you  _harbor_  the kind of love that is  _forbidden_  between parabatai, for your parabatai, Mr. Herondale?”

The silence fell so abruptly and completely that it felt as if a vacuum had just absorbed all the noise. Jace’s eyes closed shut, because everything hanged on this answer, and he couldn’t look.

The silence protracted for a long time, and even behind closed eyelids Jace could tell that the Sword had started emanating a light that became brighter and brighter…burning Alec’s hands more and more, second by agonizing second.

A shout of pain marked the end of that struggle and a new victory for the Mortal Instrument, followed by the simple, pained word “ _Yes._ ”

Jace’s eyes flew back open. He didn’t know if he was surprised. Probably not, even though he hadn’t dared  _hope_  that after all this time…

However, that didn’t matter. His hopes didn’t matter at all, in front of the look that had appeared on Alec’s face, which could only make Jace’s heart  _bleed_. He recognized it. Alec had worn it another time, just once, when a demon had extracted a memory from him and Alec had shouted ‘He tricked me!” But there was no trick to be had now, the Sword of truth making sure of it. And Alec was left with shaking hands and a labored breath, head hanging heavily on his neck.

_I’m so sorry, Alec._

“And did you enter the bond  _knowing_  this fact?”

Alec didn’t seem to have any more strength left to fight. “Yes.”  

Maybe if Jace hadn’t been such a coward, if only he had confessed in time…now Alec wouldn’t feel the kind of shame he did now. Because Jace knew that his parabatai cared less about what the Clave thought of his feelings, and more about what  _Jace_  thought of them. Alec could only come up with his own,  _wrong_  conclusions, couldn’t he? Jace had given him no other choice.  

Either way, there was no escaping the fact that they were now doomed. The Clave had found their explanation, and as soon as they collected the last needed proof, the deal would be sealed.

Alec was brought back down, and Jace was ordered to take his place.

“I ask you the same question, Mr. Herondale,” the Consul didn’t bother with any preamble. “Do  _you_  harbor the kind of love that is forbidden between parabatai, for  _your_  parabatai, Mr. Lightwood?”

Jace didn’t meet her eyes, no; he was searching for someone else’s. Even though Alec still held his head down, Jace waited, ignoring the burning pain, he kept on waiting for Alec to finally look up at him. Alec must have felt the power of the gaze fixed on him, because he did raise his eyes in the end, just a little, just for a moment, but it was enough.

That was all that Jace needed to be able to answer, for nobody else but  _him_ , “Yes.”

Alec’s reaction was involuntary, it must’ve been, because he would’ve never otherwise gasped so loudly or let his mouth fall open without any regard for appearances. Jace didn’t look away from him, his face left open to all that he was feeling, as Alec kept searching it, scrutinizing it for any sign of deception. One that wasn’t there.

“Did you know it when you entered the bond?”

Jace hesitated. “No, I – I didn’t.” It was one of his biggest failures in life.

“Very well then, I think that’d be all,” the Consul concluded. “Take them away.”

And Jace was shackled again before he could even make a move to stop it, at which he started to panic, “Wait,  _what_? Take us where? Look, it still stands that we haven’t committed any actual crime, so you  _can’t_ –”

“The Clave is going to deliberate now,” the Inquisitor snapped at him. “Be quiet and follow the guards.”

Easy thing to do, when your future was being  _deliberated_  on without taking your opinions into consideration.

There was nothing to be done, though. They were taken away, and, much to Jace’s surprise, brought – or more like,  _unceremoniously thrown_ – into the same cell.

Not that there was anything to be happy about it, after the sound of footsteps finally faded and they were left alone for the first time since everything had gone to shit. 

“Alec…” Jace said, quite a miserable sound, as the weight of all that had happened, all that had been said and could never be unsaid, truly settled on him.

Alec was facing away from him, a hand laid on the wall to support himself. “What. Was.  _That_?”

“I – I’m sorry, Alec.” The urge to reach out and ease at least some of the burden visible on Alec's tense shoulders was almost too strong for Jace to resist, but he couldn't bring himself to touch him. He felt too guilty to even lay a finger on the other half of his own soul. 

“What is even going  _on_?" Alec went on, almost sounding as if Jace hadn't said anything. "We told them we haven’t committed any crime, but they still think we’ve compromised our bond?!”

Jace blinked, now truly surprised. “Didn’t you…hear what I said?”

Alec turned around, something thunderous in his eyes. “ _Yes_ , I heard it loud and clear, but for the life of me I don’t understand. What, you suddenly  _love_  me,” he laughed, a sound that didn’t belong in that place, “‘the kind of love forbidden between parabatai’?” Then he looked at Jace, as if waiting for him to join in on the joke.

“It’s – it’s not really sudden,” Jace could only say.

It had brought them in that cell, so Jace wasn’t really proud of it, and the last thing he wanted was to face Alec’s skepticism…but, he still owed him the truth. And he felt very bare as he let Alec study him again; he must’ve looked a mess just as Alec did, but he was a mess  _inside_ , most of all. A broken soldier, which Alec had tried to mend time and time again. How could Alec _still love him_? Jace had trouble believing it, even as Alec’s distressed _Yes_ resounded clearly in his head.

It wasn’t the broken him, the _real_ him, that Alec loved, Jace concluded. It couldn’t be. Alec _had_ to love the polished version of him that he had in his head. However, even admitting that, and for how that might make him selfish, Jace would still take that love over anything else. He  _needed_  it. 

“Jace, please…” Alec tried to laugh again, still wanting this all to be a joke. The more Jace heard that sound, the more it punctured something in him.

Thankfully, Alec stopped himself on his own, becoming by contrast all too serious. Jace felt suspended in time, frozen under Alec’s gaze, as he waited for what he would do next, desperate enough to  _hope_ that he would say something, anything to absolve him of this despair. _Was I right to stay quiet?_ he wanted to ask him. _Or would you have wanted me to tell you?_

But Alec didn’t address any of that. Far from it. He blinked a few times, then gave Jace his back again, starting to pace the room. Just like that. “So basically, what  _is_  going on is that we apparently ‘love’ each other, and that made us do…magic? Or at least that’s what the Clave seems to think, that even though we don’t have an ‘illicit relationship’, the fact that we have these feelings or whatever, was enough for us to start developing the effects of the...parabatai curse? Thus, we’re guilty in their eyes, even though we’re not, and we’re doomed?”

“Alec, are you really analyzing the situation  _now_?” Jace's voice died on the last word. It was the shock, the exhaustion of captivity, that must’ve been making them lose their minds and Alec act so cruelly. “Don’t you have  _anything_  else to say about all this? Anything…at all?”

Jace spread out his arms to stress what he intended, but Alec didn’t spare him even a look. “What  _would_  I have to say about you thinking that you love me? We’re imprisoned, about to face uncertain punishment. We can discuss that another time,” he dismissed him.

Maybe Jace  _was_  still in his mind prison. Why else would Alec be so clinical, so indifferent to him trying to bear his heart to him, when he would  _have_  to be affected by it in some way? After what  _he_  himself had just been forced to confess in front of the entire Clave?

“What matters is that they  _can’t_  do anything to us, okay?” Alec was becoming more and more frantic, his hands making wide circles in the air. “The fact that we haven’t acted on…whatever this is, shows them that we’re not  _actively_  breaking the Law, no? And they have  _no_  actual proof that the powers have anything to do with that  _alleged_ curse…this is all a mistake based on fairytales, and they must let us go, or  _they_  will have gone against our Codex!”

“Alec, do you really think they would  _care_?" Jace found himself arguing back despite himself. "If they think us guilty, they won’t even try to find another explanation for what we did. They can do whatever they want with us, and nobody would bat an eyelash.”

“No, no, they can’t, we can’t  _let_  them…”

“Since what our ‘feelings’ tell them is that we are a crime at least  _about_  to happen, and the only way to prevent further degeneration is...to break our bond.”

“No!” Alec yelled, twirling around so fast he must have had whiplash. He looked so much wilder than before. “They can’t do it. Parabatai bonds still have  _meaning_ , a  _purpose_ , even to them! Would they really break ours on the basis of something so unfounded? It’d be a  _sacrilege_ , that’s what it’d be. Idiocy at  _best_.”

Jace had had enough. “Whatever you  _say_ , Alec. I’m sure if you tell them all this, they’d join in on your convictions.” And he let his back meet the wall, sliding down against it, until he landed heavily on the floor.

His sarcastic tone seemed at least to have caught Alec’s attention. Alec eyed him carefully. “Why  _am_  I the only one trying to solve our situation? It seems like you don’t even care that our bond might be broken?!”

“If that’s what you believe, be my guest! It’s not like you’re paying any real attention to me anyway.”

“That’s not  _fair_  and you know it! I just want us to get out of here,  _together_ , and with all our runes intact! They  _might_  listen to reason, if we make our case well enough.”

“Okay,  _okay_ ,” Jace gave in, rubbing his eyes tiredly, elbows resting on his knees.

“Hey.” There was a pregnant pause, then he heard movements, until he felt a presence kneeling down in front of him, a hand being placed on his. “I’m being callous, aren’t I?”

Jace couldn't help but snort.

“I’m just…I’m scared, Jace.” Alec's voice had a catch in it too.  

And just like that, hearing that desperate note, Jace's anger was gone. He uncovered his face, placing his hand on top of Alec’s instead, his thumb caressing it gently. “Me, too,” he admitted. 

A few moments passed, in which they didn’t say anything else or move at all. Jace's annoyance didn't entirely fade, as their conversation hadn’t brought them anywhere he’d thought it would. But, on the other hand, the feeling of Alec’s nearness never failed to make him feel better. He had missed him far more than he would like to admit, those few days he’d laid in a lonely cell.

The next words came out of him before he could stop them, “And I don’t  _think_  I love you, Alec. I  _know_  it.”

“Jace, please, don’t...” Alec let his forehead fall on their joined hands, gesture clearly begging for a time-out, but Jace simply couldn’t let it go.

“Why do you want to avoid the subject so _badly_? We’re already in prison, what else do we have to lose?”

(Quiet a lot, to be entirely honest, but he didn't want to think about that quite yet.)

“I don’t have the mind to make sense of it right now, that’s why.” Alec sounded kind of petulant, which was almost funny.

Jace shook his head in disbelief, freeing a hand to let his fingers play with Alec’s mess of hair. “I don’t think it’s a concept so hard to understand.” 

“It is,” Alec breathed. He raised his head, troubled eyes meeting Jace’s. “Tell me then, how do you supposedly ‘know’ you love me? And how is this  _not_  sudden, when it clearly is?”

Jace’s fingers slid down Alec’s cheek, ever so slowly. Alec looked conflicted, but he leaned into the touch, eyes closing for just a moment. “You saved me.”

Alec frowned. “I did not.”

“Yes, you did. When you came into my mind, you freed me…from myself, from my own personal demons. Even though Lilith took me again, the nightmares didn’t come back. I kept my clarity.  _Everything_  was clear. Finally, for the first time in my life, I had no more illusions.”

Alec shook his head, pain lining his face. “I don’t understand.”

Jace leaned forward, taking Alec’s face in both his hands, earning a sharp intake of breath from his parabatai. “Alec, how was I  _ever_  supposed to know…that I loved you? What with my father, with everything I believed in and believed myself to be…”

“You had no such problems with _Clary_.”

It shouldn't have, but the tinge of resentment in the way Alec said Clary's name shot a thrill up in Jace. “That was  _different_! Clary was an outsider, with an entirely different set of beliefs, none of the reservations and limitations  _we’ve_  grown up with. She didn't have any problems kicking my world flat on its butt. While I met  _you_  freshly out of Valentine’s teachings, still so young, so insecure, but so determined to become everything my father had wanted me to be. And you were the same. Yet,  _yet_ …” Jace didn’t know who had leaned in first, but their foreheads were touching. “We still defied it all. Nobody told us to end up relying on each other like we did, to love each other like we do. I chose you, no previous plan involved. And you chose me.”

“That’s what being parabatai  _means_ , Jace,” Alec said would-be matter-of-factly, but it was much too broken for that.

“I know, and it  _does_. But don’t you think that being parabatai means more than everyone think it does?”

“It means everything. It can hardly go further than that.”

“Oh, you know it can.  _We_  can, this has all been proof of that.”

They were whispering by that point, what they were saying a secret even for the walls around them. They’d also never been that close to one another, in something that wasn’t a hug. A mere few inches separated their faces, and a force was pulling them even closer….

Until a switch seemed to have been flicked, and Alec retreated back. “No, we can’t. We’ll be truly guilty then.”

“So be it.”

“No! Our bond is enough just as it is. I – we can’t lose it, for something so _mundane_.”

“Mundane? Are you  _serious_?” Jace couldn’t believe his ears. 

“Yes, Eros is a common kind of love. What  _we_  have, is something far greater!”

“Something that has  _limits_  imposed on it is not that great!” 

“You think I don’t know that? You think that all I want right now is  _not_  to kiss you? Not to love you with everything I have?”  _Then do it!_  Jace wanted to scream, but Alec didn’t give him the chance. “But the point is, I value our bond too much to let anything put it at risk, including  _us_. I’m willing to make the sacrifice, for all of our lives if need be, for my soul to continue to be linked to yours.  _Forever_.”

Jace’s hands dropped from Alec’s as if it’d been touching fire. They were both breathing heavily, their eyes locked on each other, burning, fighting a war that Jace could tell he was losing. He didn’t want to, though. He’d made enough sacrifices in his life, _hadn’t_ he?

“I  _died_ , Alec. Everything was dark, void,  _empty_.” Alec shook his head, a tear escaping from his eye. “No, don’t stop me – we never had a chance to  _talk_  about it. I was dead, and the last thing that I felt was  _your_  pain…but when I came back everything was even shittier than before. I had to lie to you every day to spare you from  _my_  consequences. Then I was distorted into something I’m not, and now I have more regrets than ever. I’ve had  _enough_. I don’t want to live whatever else I have left feeling as if I should be doing something else. I want a life without regrets, do you hear me? No more lies, no more sacrifices, no more…”

The booming sound of the door hitting the wall as it opened made them both jump out of their skins. Jace had to quickly wipe his face clean of any bleeding emotions, Alec do the same with his tears, before they both rushed to get up.  

“We demand a lawyer,” Alec stated to one of the guards. “It’s our right as…”

“Shut up. Turn around, hands behind your back.”

Alec gritted his teeth, and Jace could feel he was that close to fighting back more than he should, so for once he was the level-headed one. He grabbed Alec’s arm to ground him. Alec’s face got unclouded almost immediately, as he looked at Jace in despair. They didn’t talk, they didn’t need to.  _Trust me_ , Jace conveyed just with his eyes.  _We’ll get through this, together_.

How they would do that, Jace didn’t know yet. Alec nodded at him, though. No matter the confusion about where they stood, the fact that they were in this together till the end would never change.

They went along quietly after that, not glancing at each other anymore. Jace still had their conversation playing in his head, his own desperation and Alec’s to take into account. They both wanted to stay close to each other, to protect one another. They just needed to find common ground on the best way to do that. Jace would never dream to force Alec to do anything he didn’t want to do, but if his only reason to resist was fear…he couldn’t allow that. Yet, he had no idea what else to tell him to convince him.

None of that mattered, though, if they weren’t free first. Maybe it was better to follow Alec’s way, for now. Convince the Clave that they would never purposely break the Law. But Jace had severe doubts that they would believe them, especially  _him_ , whose list of crimes fell to the floor. The probability of them being released without unbearable punishment seemed so inexistent to him that he could barely fathom it. Most likely, they would be convicted, and the possibilities were far too many.

Death penalty would mean instant running and fighting their way out, no questions asked.

Exile would be a lesser evil, but should they still run? Or should they stay, and let themselves be deruned? In that case they  _might_  be able to remain together, and maybe it wouldn’t even be too bad, living as mundanes, no supernatural happenings defining them and their lives anymore. Their bond would be gone, okay, but…would it be that big of a loss? Jace’s insides wanted to scream  _Yes!_   _How can you even ask that?!_ but it _would_ give them the chance to explore their relationship in a whole, new light. They would be freer than ever before. Would Alec want that kind of life, though? Or would he blame him for it, for taking him away from his family and everything he’d worked so hard to achieve?

The most likely outcome was definitely fighting their way out, Jace concluded. They couldn’t risk anything else. He’d have to wait and see, though.

They were led back inside the room, where the Consul and Inquisitor stood between two rows of witnesses. Him and Alec were made to knee again. Jace thought he’d be able to break his shackles, if he concentrated hard enough.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Jonathan Christopher Herondale,” the Consul said. Only that, then she took a deep breath. She seemed…more hesitant than before. Something was clouding her eyes, which made Jace very curious, but not any less worried. He curled his hands into fists. “There is no denying that the feelings you both harbor for each other go against what is dictated in the Codex. Parabatai should  _not_  love each other like lovers do.” As both Jace and Alec were clearly about to protest, Jia raised a hand to stop them. “There is also no denying that this very fact…has saved us all.”

Jace’s mouth fell open. That was not at all what he’d expected her to say; he would’ve  _never_  thought she would give them credit for that.

“The past year has been difficult,” the Consul went on, emotions filling her voice for the first time, “we’ve faced threats we have to admit we were less than prepared for. And every time, individuals with powers more extraordinary than the common Shadowhunter possesses have brought us to victory. Clary Fairchild. Jace Herondale himself. Both of them have been…enhanced, they were  _purposefully_  made by Valentine Morgenstern to overcome the Clave’s power.”

Jace’s mind was reeling at that speech, still unable to sense the point of it, especially as the rest of the Shadowhunters seemed to be following it enraptured, serious but also…hopeful? Glancing at Alec, his parabatai seemed to be feeling his same confusion.

“We can’t expect that someone else will not do the same, that in the future we won’t be put in front of things we cannot deal with. We also have to face the truth of the fact that…we don’t have the wish of Raziel anymore. We are on our own – or maybe not.”

Up to this point the Consul had been talking to the entire room, walking around to face everyone. Now, she stepped directly in front of Jace and Alec.

“If we don’t step up, we might end up failing our sacred mission,” she told them. When she locked eyes with Jace, wheels started turning in his head. Couldn’t she mean that…? “The power you displayed…might be what we need, what the  _world_  needs.”

Jace couldn’t help but look at Alec again, if only to make sure he was hearing this right. Alec’s eyes were impossibly wide. Yes, he was definitely hearing the same thing Jace was.

“Consul, you aren’t saying that…?” Alec tried to pose the question, but couldn't finish it.

“Yes,” the Consul answered the unasked. “The Clave has come to an unprecedented conclusion. We’ve pondered it long and hard, and we do not take it lightly, so  _you_  shouldn’t either. We have decided…to give you a chance.”

A chance? A chance.

“Could you elaborate, please?” Jace said breathlessly. Could he  _dare_  hope…? “Are you saying we’re _not_ going to be condemned?”

The Consul slowly shook her head. “Not today. We have to see where all of this can lead us first. Where your bond can lead you two.”

“I – I don’t understand,” Alec said. Jace doubted he actually didn’t understand, but rather he didn’t  _dare_  to let himself understand. Jace understood that feeling all too well. 

“You have the Clave’s permission, from now on, to…” Jia wasn’t meeting their eyes as she said that, “indulge into whatever it is that you want your bond, your  _relationship_  to be.”

Jace wanted to laugh, really hard. The sound was bubbling in his throat, which he had to forcefully keep down. Was this really happening? Like, for real? But if that was a dream, he had to applaud himself for how vivid and realistic it seemed.

“You’re not being serious, are you?” Alec asked, his voice cracking in a few places. “This is a test, isn’t it? To see how quickly and eagerly we would break the Law? If so, I find it very,  _very_  disrespectful, to play us like this, to…!”

“I assure you, Mr. Lightwood, we’re not fooling you. This is happening.”

Alec’s mouth closed shut, but he didn’t look convinced.

“But don’t be mistaken,”  _There it is,_ thought Jace _,_  “you won’t be free to do whatever you want. This is an  _experiment_ , I want you both to understand that.”

 _Now_  Jace only wanted to laugh more. The dream was very quickly morphing into a nightmare, like they often did for him.  _Experiment_. He had never wanted to hear that word again. His shoulders sagged.

“Historically, the parabatai bond was restricted because it would degenerate,” the Consul was explaining, her words a buzz in Jace’s ears, “become too powerful and dangerous to be controlled, bringing only destruction in its wake. However, and this is what we’re betting everything on, centuries ago we didn’t have the knowledge and resources we do now. It could turn out that the bond  _can_  be controlled, the powers  _can_  be reigned in and used to help us get closer to victory. If there’s even a  _small_  chance that that might be possible, we  _need_  to take it.”

Of course, the Clave cared about strictly following the Law only if it best suited them. Things had changed, though, too severely for them to still be stuck in their old ways. Any other day, Jace would welcome all this forward-thinking with a  _Hallelujah_. Now, his heart pounded, because of  _course_  the change could only come at his own expense, and Alec’s as well, couldn’t it?

“So you must be willing to do what it takes, to do  _everything_  in your power to make the experiment a success. You must also realize and accept the risks: if or when you will become uncontrollable, the Clave will have to deliberate on your fate again. The bond might have to be broken, or you might have to be executed.”

The last word echoed for a few moments after the silence fell.

Jace breathed in once, twice, to try and calm his mind. He glimpsed at Alec, whose face was set in stone as he addressed the Consul directly, “Are you _asking_ for our consent, or is this an  _order_?”

"You have a choice, of course," the Consul said slowly. Was that some compassion he saw in her eyes? Jace might only be imagining it. “You can either accept this groundbreaking opportunity that it’s being given to you…or decline, and be sentenced as per the severity of your crime. You  _are_  guilty, after all, and the penalty is death.”

“No, it’s  _not_!” Alec burst out before Jace could even process what had been said, “and you  _know_  it. Since the crime has only a potential to be committed, at least an attenuation is in order!”

“It would be, in normal circumstances, preferable to exile you,” the Consul didn’t let her composure fall, “but if you refuse to help our race fulfill its purpose, how can we let you out into the world, in danger, certainly, but still with enough resources to be able to survive, and thrive? It’d be too lenient of a punishment!”

“So why don’t you say it as it is and stop pretending like we have a choice in the first place?!” Jace finally let out what he really thought. He’d grown a severe intolerance for bullshit in recent times. “You need us, so you hang a sword over our heads and tell us we’re  _free_? Don’t make us  _laugh_.” A fire had started in the pit of his stomach, even if he didn’t fully understand why just yet. He was simply too shocked at everything that was happening, but Jace was  _furious_  like never before.

“So you’d rather we be direct with you? Very well.” Jia straightened herself. “Alec Lightwood, Jace Herondale, you will be immediately transferred to Wrangel Island to do your duty as Shadowhunters, submitting yourself for experiments that will help our race fulfill its sacred purpose. Do not be mistaken, you shouldn’t only consider yourself  _lucky_ , but  _honored_!”

Alec was once again the one to talk first, as a jumble of words played in Jace’s mind, king of all  _Wrangel Fucking Island_. “Let me understand this, so we go, and we’re expected to do  _what_ , exactly? For how long? Will we be  _required_  to ‘indulge in our relationship’ or will that be left up to us?” Heavy sarcasm spilled from everything Alec was saying. “And what if we succeed, after all? What will we be, weapons kept in cages until we’re of use to the Clave? Will we  _ever_  be allowed to live our lives again? And what of our parabatai bond, whatever it’ll end up being…will it be free to be? Be honest with us, we’re past empty formalities.”

Jace wanted to vomit. He didn’t even want to think about the answers he expected to hear.

The Consul gave herself some time to think. “As for your first question, a warlock and a Silent Brother will be assigned to you, testing you and training you on mastering your powers in all the ways necessary, for how _long_ necessary. It might take months, or years, we can't know that now."

Years. Fucking _years_.

"As for your other question…that will have to be seen. Since your powers have developed without any prompting, you might not need to do anything more. But if it so happens that they won’t grow unless you give the bond a nudge, you should seriously remind yourself that  _you have the Clave’s permission_ , and, most of all, you  _can’t allow yourself to fail_. Since success will largely depend on you, you  _must_  put all the effort you can into assuring the best outcome for the entire process, for yourselves and for all of us. You must think outside the box, that is where I’m getting at, which is the same  _we_  are doing in even considering taking this course of action."

Right, they should be _thanking her._

"If, at the end of it all, you will stay rational beings who can lead normal lives…then yes, you should be let free. You will still have to follow your assignments as any normal soldier, obviously, but no, not weapons in cages. That is a long way from us, though, so for the moment nothing is set in stone. That is why I need, right now, for you to give us your  _solemn_   _word_  that you’ll collaborate completely. And I do not advice for you to do it with the intention of not following through, because if you try to resist or sabotage our work, it will all be for nothing and you  _will_  be put down, no questions asked," she concluded. 

That was a lot, a  _lot_ , too much for Jace to take in, he was that close to a breakdown. But he was starting to realize  _why_  his anger kept only rising the more sense the Consul started to make; she was giving them everything they, or at least  _Jace_ , secretly wanted, but all wrong. Him and Alec had a  _family_ , they both had a  _relationship_. Jace’s with Clary had only recently been a tentative mess amidst all the chaos, not even mentioning the feelings Jace had been harboring in secret, but Alec was basically living at Magnus’s place. Alec  _had_ , admittedly, just said, and not in unclear words, that he  _would_  kiss Jace if he could…but still, this was all  _wrong_.

“Do we have  _permission_  to discuss it first?” Jace didn’t bother to hide the rage form his voice, or allow himself to look at Alec before they were alone. He could sense the tumult of emotions that came from his parabatai all too well.

The Consul shared a look with the Inquisitor, who simply nodded at her. “Very well. You will be now let into a cell and have fifteen minutes to discuss your options. Let me just tell you one more thing, first.” The Consul’s expression softened somewhat, but it barely did anything for Jace. “I know you believe we’re being harsh, but you’ve both been valuable members of our society. You understand sacrifice, the importance in doing what  _must_  be done for the good of us all. I can’t make you any promises that this will end up well, but I also want to make you reflect on all the good that could come out of it. You  _could_  become the first parabatai pair allowed to tap into their full potential and come out on the other side  _victorious_. You could be legends, frontrunners in our ranks, revered as the heroes you are. That is honestly what everyone in this room  _wishes_ , at least. We  _want_  to be able to look up to you, rely on you as our saving grace. Together, we could bring glory back in the Shadowhunter name.”

Neither Jace nor Alec made any comment on all of that, but Jace couldn’t help but be left pondering them as they were led back into a cell.     

Immediately, he let himself fall heavily on the small bed in the corner. Alec sat quietly right next to him, which Jace was kind of surprised about. Then they both stared face forward for a while, their breaths condensing the air. Jace was well aware of the time passing, but how could something like this be processed any more quickly?

In the end, what brought him back to earth was the feeling of Alec’s fingers intertwining softly with his. Jace stopped breathing entirely. Could that mean…? That sense of wrongness hadn't left him, but if Alec...

“We have no choice but do this,” Alec’s voice was very quiet and rough. “We can’t allow us to fail, can we? And we won’t. Together, we’re the best, we’ve always been. We’ll become the heroes they want us to be, there is no other option.”

Jace’s eyes shifted from their joined hands to Alec’s profile. He wasn't looking at him. “So what about…us? Will we...?”

Alec shook his head. “They don’t get to decide what we must do. What I know is that I won’t allow our bond to degenerate, so we’ll just be who we’ve always been. We'll train as hard as we can and work our way to success. Together.”

Jace’s hand felt very cold. “Alec. We’d also be _free_ to…”

“We’re not free. Cancel that word from your mind. They don’t care about our feelings, they just want their perfect weapons. We are parabatai, we must hold on to that, and if these powers _are_ because of our love for each other, we don’t need to change anything.  _Where thou goest, I will go_. That is all.”

“What if  _I_  want to change things? What if  _you_  want that?” His questions sounded a lot like pleas, because this was the core of the problem. The Clave had given them freedom just as they took it away. They _needed_ to take it back. “Forget the Clave. What do you  _want_ , Alec?” he begged. 

Alec finally looked at him, and his eyes were piercing, so much so that Jace could swear he might get lost in the intensity of them. He didn’t even notice Alec’s other hand reaching up until he felt it cup his face. Alec had done that just one other time. “ _You_ , Jace. I want you, always.”  _If I lost you, I’d be lost too_. 

“You  _have_  me, Alec. All that I am, is yours. So please, why are you saying that-?”

Alec didn’t let him finish, before he pulled him closer and…hugged him. Alec’s arms wrapped tightly around him, Alec's scratchy chin buried into his neck, hot from Alec’s heavy breath. Jace shivered in response, his arms shooting up to embrace him too – he could never not – but he was more conflicted than ever.

“It’s just you and me, for who knows how long,” Alec spoke against his skin, not helping sooth Jace’s warring emotions. “We can’t forget who we are. I get that you must be feeling desperate right now, but remember what’s out there. Our family, Clary, Magnus…we have to come back for them, the same as we went in. We _must_ hold on to what we’ll get back to after we’re out. Let us not ruin everything because the Clave  _gives us permission to_ , alright? Alright?!”

The last word was punctuated with a tightening of Alec’s hold, and Jace could only nod. He could feel very clearly that Alec was actually the most desperate of the two of them, holding on for dear life to what he had to not lose himself…but there was hardly anything Jace could do against that. If Alec wanted them to stay as they were, that was what they would do. They _wouldn't_ lose themselves amidst the schemes of the Clave, and they would do that side by side. As parabatai do. 


End file.
